So I did better then I normally do around people today. Aaron wanted me to hang out with his friends (another couple) for a little bit today. Like most situations I felt like such a dork. I normally try not to care if people like me. However, I found the fact that he wants them to like me to be so completely stressful.
Not saying anything bad about the people, mind you. They are perfectly wonderful people and I could see myself really liking them in the long term. It’s just really hard for me to get to know people without freaking out a little.
A bunch of people I know (if they happen to read this) are going, “Her? She’s not nervous. She always makes people laugh and people like her.”
That’s what people I’ve known for a long time would say theoretically, because that’s one of my masks. I feel dishonest when I put on the false everything is sunshine face.
However there was a moment right there at the end that made me realize I’m doing a bit better. One of them misheard something I said in a way that sounded like “fisting” . Once she told me what she though I said we all giggled a little. Made me feel good to loosen up a bit, despite the fact I was so nervous.
Now we are going to hang out with the same couple tomorrow. In our space. I feel a little more at ease about it. I’m sad that they are leaving even. Because I like them and because our son likes them.